Not here

The stains of a glass of red wine on my notes

the crumbs of a leftover pizza slice

Next to my elbow nailpolish in different shades

and an open bag of M&Ms just out of reach

an effort to put some colour into my lonely life

The TV is running on the highest volume

and an open window to let in the sounds of the night

or the voices of passers-by that cross the street

the whispering of my pages and pages of books

to add some music to the quiet here

The smell of pizza wafts through my room

and the taste of wine lingers on my tongue

the aroma of autumn leaves trickling in through the window

odours that run from my nose to my brain

I'm trying to forget the memories that all these smells evoke

Sometimes I'd like to shut out the colours

Sometimes I'd like to mute the music

Sometimes I'd like to forget the smells

Sometimes I'd like to give up my senses

It's too gay, it's too loud, it's too full

I feel everything twice as much when I am alone

The good things cause suffering

The bad things don't matter that much anymore

I'm just wishing that I could be anywhere else

in the future,

not lonely,

not here.